A brand new life

Febuary 9, 2011

Dear Bryson,

Well... here we are.  I am officially past my due date, and I am realizing that you already have characteristics of your Dad.  You are going to be stubborn!  My last doctors appointment was on Monday and you are still looking good.  You are positioned correctly, have a great heart beat, you are sucking your thumb constantly, and learning to breath on your own.  You just seem way too comfortable in there!

But, tomorrow.... it comes to an end.  I have decided with my doctor to induce labor tomorrow morning.  The longer that you stay in there, the shorter my maternity leave becomes... which means the shorter my time with you becomes! 

So, just think... tomorrow will begin a brand new life.  It will be an adventure, that is for sure!  I have not been afraid of labor this whole pregnancy, but after setting the date to get induced, I have had too much time to think.  I am questioning everything about what I have done during this pregnancy... if I have done enough, if I have done too much.  If your dad and I should have spent more time together, if we should have prepared better, if we should have worked more. 

Although I question everything in life, wonder constantly if I should have turned left instead of right.... I hope that you never wonder... never question my love, or your dads love, for you... or for each other. 

Wow... tomorrow.  Tomorrow we begin a brand new life... together.  I cannot wait to meet you, to hold you, to kiss you, to love you.  I know you are going to be a beautiful person, inside and out... you will make my life complete, you will make my heart grow, and you will make me smile every moment of every day.  I can't believe it is time already, it feels like just yesterday I read 'pregnant' on a stick.

My doctor told me to be at the hospital at 8:30 in the morning.  She also said that I should be prepared to be in labor for up to 24 hours! I hope that you decide to come faster than that!  I am only 1.5 cm dialated and 80% effaced, so I have a long way yet to go. 

Your dad is going to be with me the whole time, but we decided we should warn the hospital staff that he gets sick to his stomach easily!  That would be all I need... to have your dad faint on me! 

Your grandma Holdsworth is coming to the hospital tomorrow morning, so is your Aunt Jenny, and your Nana Adams.  Your Aunt Amy is waiting until you are born to come to the hospital because your cousin Lilley is way too excited to come to the hospital and leave without getting to see you!  Your Aunt Missy, cousin Miranda and her husband Brian are all coming in on Friday evening to visit you and your Uncle Tim and Aunt Kim are coming Saturday morning.... yes, everyone is coming to town, just for you!!  Your Uncle Matt won't get to see you for about a week because he leaves Friday for vacation in the Florida Keys! And your Grandpa Holdsworth has a cold, so he will visit as soon as he knows he won't get you sick.

I am so excited, so scared, nervous, anxious, filled with joy, love... I am speechless. 

You will come into a world surrounded by people that love you... and a family that needs  you. 

A brand new life starts tomorrow... and I will never miss my old life without you in it.

Love,
Mommy