Wednesday, August 25, 2010

why, how, when, where

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Dear Baby,

Some things in life happen so fast that you can’t really recall what happened, how it happened, or why it happened. This week has all been a reminder of that for me. And for your father.

Monday was our two year wedding anniversary, which got me thinking about when and how I fell in love with your dad. I can’t really remember the moment when I realized I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. I want to say that I knew from the first day, and I did have that ‘gut’ feeling, but as for a specific moment in time, I cannot remember. People often ask for reasons as to why I love him, and often, I cannot give individual reasons.

But, on Monday, I also got to return to the doctors to check on you. They did the normal exams and tests and then listened to your heart beat. It was 150 beats per minute. Hearing that heart beat was the best anniversary present for your father and me. We may not have a lot of money, but no amount could replace that gift.

Tuesday began like any other day, we woke up, said our ‘I love you’s’ and I left for work. My boss had asked if I could cover a route in Fairmont to help another driver, and I did. About 9:45 am that morning, after making two deliveries, a car pulled out in front of me and I couldn’t stop. I hit them broadside and then the impact pushed me into a guardrail. I got out of the truck with blood rushing down my left arm from the impact of the airbag. Everyone was running towards me. And immediately I started praying that you were ok.

They called 911 and an ambulance was sent. Meanwhile I had a lady who was there helping call your dad to let him know what had happened. He answered the phone and as soon as he heard a strange voice, started to cry. He said he knew something bad had happened. He jumped in his jeep and told the lady he would meet me at the emergency room in Fairmont.

I reached the emergency room and your dad was still not there. Meanwhile, the doctors checked my arm and did x-rays to make sure that no bone was broken. Finally, they listened for your heartbeat, I cried as they search, and I cried even harder as I heard it beat. It was the best sound in the world.

Your dad finally arrived. He asked if I was ok, as he looked at my bloody, black and blue arm, then with tears in his eyes, asked about you. We cried together when I told him that I had heard your heart beat. After we calmed down, I asked what had taken him so long to get to me. Turns out his day was going about as well as mine.

After receiving the call that I was going to the ER, your dad jumped in his jeep and headed to Fairmont. He made it onto the interstate and about four or so miles when he jeep powered off. He said he took a shirt out of his jeep and put it in the window, then started running. He ran over two and a half miles when a state trooper pulled up beside him and asked ‘where are you going in such a hurry?’. Your dad explained to him the situation and the police officer told him to get in. He so kindly drove your dad the rest of the 20 or so miles to the hospital.

Upon hearing this story, I asked your dad if he had just planned on running the rest of the way to the hospital. He just simply said ‘yes’.

Your grandma and grandpa Adams and your cousin Jon all made it to the emergency room also. My arm was not broken, just badly bruised. After returning home, we called for a tow truck to get your dads jeep and my mom came down. It was so nice to have all of these people around that love me, your dad, and you. I called my midwife to let her know what had happened and she returned my call this morning.

I went in at 10 am for an emergency ultrasound to make sure you were ok. Your dad held my hand the whole time. I was so afraid that you could still be hurt. But, as we watched you on the screen, we saw your heart beat, we saw you roll over, stretch, rub your eyes, and you even seemed to ‘wave’ to us. I smiled and cried the whole time.

In looking back over the last few days I’ve come to a few conclusions. Although I can’t remember exactly what happened in that car accident and I don’t know how exactly it happened, I do know why it happened. This whole pregnancy I’ve been asking myself if I was ready to be a mom, questioning if I was truly happy about you, ‘our surprise’. But, as I lay on the ground beside my truck, praying that you were ok, I knew at that moment how ready I was for you, how excited I am to have you be in my life, how happy I am to have been blessed by you. Never again will I question that. I can also tell you that I fell in love all over again with your dad that day. As he layed beside me in the hospital crying and telling me how he was running to us, I remembered that even if I don’t remember when I fell in love with him, I will always remember why. I love your dad because he is willing to run as far as he has to in order to be by my side… by our side. He doesn’t question what he is doing or how bad it is going to hurt, he just runs.

I can’t wait to see you again.



Current weight: 130 lbs.